Assalamualaikum and yo dawgs
Have you guys ever had a crush on someone but at the same time, you already had a mind-set of your own telling yourself that "Even if I do like her, that doesn't mean she needs to like me back."?
Do you? Well that's the thing. I always have this kind of mind-set whenever I started to feel something for someone. At first, I'm okay with it. I mean, heck I know I don't look that good, and if I like someone that looks drop dead gorgeous, that means I'll either get her OR not. That's just how God and fate shifts in for normal guys like me. Am I right? Having this mind-set also means that I don't need to give a fark about my own feelings. Everything is about her, my job is to make her happy and I don't need to expect anything out of it. If things goes well, that means she will like me back, OR in the worst case scenario, she'll think of me as a good friend and the friendship COULD somehow blooms into something much more magnificent? I don't know, ever since I'm a kid, I kinda hoped that things like that would happen to me. At least once before I close my eyes forever. I always read stories about it happening all around the world. You know, having a lover that was once your best friend is possibly one of an average guy's dream.
*Don't we all love it when we have a best friend for a girlfriend?*
Then again, when it comes to feelings, things would never be easy. Yes, I remembered once when Ayya told me this. I know that I already vowed about not thinking about my own feelings, but as time goes by, I started to think that in order to conveyed the message that "I like her", I need to show that I CARED for her. But sometimes, when I do that, I'm afraid if she would think of me as an annoying guy. In one of my older entry, I wrote about how I hope that my friendship with her wouldn't be ruined, and I sincerely thought that she is an amazing person to befriend.
It's funny really, when I thought myself as a technical/systematic guy that wouldn't be swayed easily by all that crap bullshit about LOVE and ENDLESS whatnot, but the moment I gave a thought about HER, then everything change. I know that I had felt this before and I SHOULD have been accustomed to it, but I just CAN'T.This phrase (or something) clearly gave away the true feelings of men such as myself:
"No matter how much a guy flirts a lot, he would always think of his one true love every night before he sleeps." -Anonymous
*Doraemon, always helps when you want to convey your feelings*
I know I talk with girls a lot, and I know that sometimes, the way others see it as if I'm trying to court them into submission, but seriously, the ONLY reason I did that in the first place was because I never had friends from the opposite gender( if you want to count the ones I had in kindergarten, that's an exception)
Again, I sincerely hope that she wouldn't hate me because I acted like a douche. A guy can only look like a fool for someone he loves.That's pretty much what I'm trying to do. I just hope I won't look THAT foolish and ends up making her hate me in the process (which already had happened before to me). 
*A dream come true for every single being in this whole wide universe*
Assalamualaikum, kthnxbai.
