Assalamualaikum.
Last night was a bit sad for me. You know how I said that right now, there's no way Orange would accept me, right? Well, last night I actually went overboard again when she finally got online. I guess those signs that says "I've been single for too long" is obvious all over my face. -.-
But that's not the point that makes me sad actually. You see, Orange asked me a question. She said, "If I'm really not around anymore..I wonder what would happen to you?* That question of hers was a response to my post on her wall *the one that I said "Oi crazy.I miss you.*. Somehow, someway, out all all possible answers I chose the most immature one. I said "I will become crazy. Seriously.*Wussy answer ftw.
I don't know why, but I think....I think that answer actually made her lose any kind of mutual respect she had of me. It's..it's a bit frustrating, when you know you love that girl, but you can't do anything else in order to make her love you back. You tried to become blunt about the way you express your feelings to her, but sometimes, even if you said something so honest, the girl that you like wouldn't really believe what you said. And at the same time, it became so apparent that you're acting like that because you're desperate to get a hold of her, because you know, the moment you step back, other guys would act like a pack of hungry hyenas just to get her attention.
Getting the word "I love you too" is the most hardest thing any guy could possibly imagine. *At least, that's what I think for myself*. I always wondered to myself, "How does those girls feel, knowing that some average joe's loving them so much, but they can't do anything because they don't feel anything for the poor guy in the first place?" It makes everything worse since I have a lot of time in hand, making me incapable of doing something else other than thinking about my life and crap. -.-
Then I remember something from a khutbah. The ustaz said, when we silence ourselves, we would only feel shame once. But once we open our mouth, some of the words would cause us shame for a life time. Right now, that's what happening to me. From today, I think it's better for me to NOT open my mouth again when it's about Orange. Because I know I can't control myself when I think about her.
*I wonder if I'll go crazy for doing this?*
Assalamualaikum. Have a nice day.
