"If two people are meant for each other, it doesn't mean they have to be together right now... but they will eventually."
Assalamualaikum , how are you guys doing?
Bertemu kita lagi dalam entry kedua aku dalam bulan Ramadhan tahun ni. Kali ni, aku nak bercakap tentang perihal "cinta bertepuk sebelah tangan". To be more specific, it is when your feelings of affection towards someone, cannot AND would not be possible to be reply in ways that you prefer. Since aku ni lelaki, then let me talk about this from the guy's perspective.
Now, let's see the reasons why things like this actually occur.
One: Refusing ones past.
Ya, ini reason yang pertama in my opinion *based on first hand experience*. The girl/guy had meaningful memories of her past that she couldn't let go. Ini menunjukkan yang si perempuan seorang yang serius tentang mencari cinta dalam sesebuah perkahwinan. Tujuan utama bercouple bukan untuk sekadar suka-suka. It's unfortunate that the girl couldn't see that lelaki yang cintanya bertepuk sebelah tangan tu pun aim untuk benda yang sama; cinta dalam sesebuah perkahwinan bersama dengan si dia.
From here it'll be a bit personal.
Two: Doubts
The second reason. It's not nice of me to say this, but in my personal opinion,nowadays, in order for a women to feel secure about a men, dia perlu dijanjikan dengan sesuatu yang boleh memberi dia jaminan tentang masa depan dia. In my case, kalau aku tak mampu nak bercakap macam orang normal with Oren, couldn't show her that I can actually take care of her, or having something that differentiates me from other men out there, then I can say byebye to any chance to actually bina hidup bersama Oren.
This one's a bit general.
Three: Personal taste
The final reason. Yes, kepada perempuan semua kat luar sana, jangan la nak berdolak dalih tentang ni. Every single one of you have your own taste in man. But you need to realize one thing, the guy of your dreams doesn't exist. What's real is the guy that has feelings for you, hoping that you would realize he's right there for you, and for some stupid reason thinks that, some how, some way you would miraculously fall in love with him.
*which is near impossible to begin with*
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Wah, emo sungguh aku malam ni ye? Jangan salah faham, I'm not mad or anything, I just had to vent out since I feel like crap ever since that talk I had. But that's history, now I want to tell you guys my side of the story.
Sepanjang hidup korang, korang pernah tak bercinta bagai nak rak, korang saling berjanji dengan pasangan korang that one day you'll end that relationship with marriage and that spark of love between you would be there eventhough korang akan hadapi dugaan and all those shit.
*LOVEY DOVEY STUFF*
OF COURSE YOU HAVE! Sebab tu ialah pengalaman yang manusia normal macam korang akan hadapi. Unfortunately, aku bukanlah seorang manusia normal. I am a freak by nature. I live in a cubicle, semua pengalaman di atas tu, none of it actually exist for me.
Now that brings us to what I'm trying to talk about tonight. Like I said just now, I'm not normal. I talk like a nerd all the time. I froze up, otak jadi blank whenever I talk with people that I have feelings too. I can't smile properly to her whenever I look at her face. Aku selalu cakap benda-benda yang remeh and tak boleh diguna pakai when I tried to have a conversation with her. I always forgot to ask meaningful things when I talk to her. I lost any sign of humor when I'm with her, any kind of jokes that I thought of would vanish just like that.
*that is just so freaking sad*
Apa yang aku cuba nak katakan ni ialah; although I look like a guy that she can't depends on, my feelings for her is true. Right now I might look like someone that can't promise her anything, but I refuse to give up. In fact from the first time I met her, I already set a goal in my mind. I want to marry this women. Yes. MARRIAGE. Why, you ask? SImple, true love can only be found in marriage. That is something I learn from my parents, and every single married couple out there.
But..*yes, there is a "but"*
If, somehow I'm just not destined for her..then I will put down my hands, and the only thing I can say to her is.. "I wish you will be happy.".. Tak lebih, tak kurang, takde yang lain selain tu. And if that happens, all of this chapters about her will be proof tentang macamana aku mencintai seorang perempuan dengan sepenuh hati aku.
Right now, aku terus berpegang pada kata-kata seorang kawan aku ni. "If two people are meant for each other, it doesn't mean they have to be together right now... but they will eventually." I will always have faith in this.
Assalamualaikum.
p/s: bila baca balik, entry ni terasa sungguh emo and negatif..hmm...Sebelum aku lupa, aku nak ucapkan selamat hari raya Aidilfitri kepada semua umat Islam kat luar sana, and tak lupa jugak kepada semua kawan-kawan aku, harap korang maafkan salah silap aku, tak lupa juga pada Oren, maafkan la salah silap aku kat kau sepanjang perkenalan kita. I just want you to know that I love you and I hope you'll always be happy.
