The End of A Chapter Is The Start of New One

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahiwabarokatuh

Ehem, terlebih dahulu saya memanjatkan rasa syukur ke hadrat ilahi kerana masih bernafas untuk menulis untuk blog ini yang hampir-hampir lapuk ditelan zaman dek kerana kemalasan saya untuk mengupdatekannye pun.

Ok, ada gaya percakapan macam orang sastera tak? Takde langsung? ok..

Let's cut to the chase. Tengok pada tajuk pun mesti dah boleh agak punye. Seperti anda sedia maklum *dan juga kepada sesiapa yang tak tahu* my pursue towards getting Amie's love does not bore any fruition, therefore aku telah mengambil keputusan untuk mengundur diri sebelum jiwa aku yang sedia terseksa ni terus remuk lagi and lagi. Dengan itu, tamat la sudah ceritera yang tiada permulaan dan hanya pengakhiran~ chewahh dah macam A.Samad Said pulak aku ni -__-''.

*eherm*

Korang mesti tertanya-tanya, "Aik, budak ni rilek je nak turn off macam tu aje, takkan takde rasa sedih, hati hancur, kepala pecah, tangisan teresak-esak kot? Apasal tiba-tiba nak retreat? Takde hujan, takde ribut, tuptup dah give up, apa kes?". And aku pun jawab, "Naaaaa, I ain't even mad~" *sambil berjalan gaya Haters gonna hate* Bajet like a boss sangat la tu konon...

Tapi hakikatnya...although aku ni manusia yang orang kenal sebagai takde emosi, I do cry when things like this happened to me. Yes, I really did. I cried by myself the whole night. Heck, even roommate aku sendiri pun tak sedar aku nangis. Heh, of course la, dia sendiri pun banyak masalah, so elok pun dia tak sedar, nanti makin menyusahkan dia pulak nak cheer up aku. -____- . Besides, aku buat pun bersebab. An incident happen, but I won't go into details, let's just say that both of us just don't stand a chance to have anything in common. Another reason why I decided untuk undur diri ialah I heard a quote from a wise man saying "If a person exist solely to slow you down from moving forward, then choose to let him/her go." And that's what I exactly did.

Somehow someway, tak semua benda yang terjadi pada aku tu kekal buruk. The moment I chose to give her up, aku dah set mind set yang "After I let her go, I would do a favor for both of us. She would find someone better *unless sifat memilih dia tu tak dikikis* and a world of chances will be available for me. I will live my life to the fullest, I will shed this skin of humiliation I've been enduring all this while knowing her, and I will make sure my future wife to be the exact opposite of both of my previous crushes. She will stand tall above all of them, and she will be the best women I've ever met. That's my promise."

*She'll be my Ed'sassin...*

*...And I'll be her AO.*

See? That's how I'm coping with the loss. Aku bersyukur yang Tuhan berikan aku tanda untuk bertindak, untuk mara ke depan, untuk buat sesuatu bagi diri aku yang aku tak terfikir nak buat. Aku akan pastikan diri aku sentiasa dalam keadaan positif, kerana aku yakin yang apa terjadi pada aku ada sebab tersendiri, Allah maha berkuasa, Dia tetapkan dugaan untuk diri aku berdasarkan setakat mana aku mampu bertahan kerana He won't give His slaves a hurdle they can't pass. Therefore aku akan redha dengan qada' and qadar dari diriNya.

So that pretty much sums up what going to come for me in the near future. Let's hope it'll be a good thing. InsyaAllah.

Dan ingat pulalah ketika Tuhanmu memberikan pernyataan: "Jika kamu bersyukur pasti Kutambah nikmatKu kepadamu; sebaliknya jika kamu mengingkari nikmat itu, tentu siksaanku lebih dahsyat. (Ibrahim: 7) Karunia itulah yang disampaikan Allah sebagai berita gembira kepada hamba-hambaNya yang beriman dan mengerjakan kebaikan. Katakanlah: "Aku tidak meminta upah kepadamu atas seruanku ini, kecuali hanya kasih sayang dalam kekeluargaan. Siapa yang mengerjakan kebaikan, Kami lipat gandakan kebaikannya itu. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Pengampun dan Penilai. (Ash-Syura: 23) Kaum Luthpun telah mendustakan peringatan Tuhan. Kami hembuskan kepada mereka angin puyuh, kecuali kaum keluarga Luth, mereka telah kami selamatkan sebelum fajar menyingsing. Suatu anugrah dari kami. Demikianlah kami memberi ganjaran kepada siapa yang bersyukur. (Al-Qamar: 33-35) 

Assalamualaikum :)

Ps: credits to  Sharkox, the cartoons for Versus are spot on coolio, bro ;D

Unreturnable Feelings

"If two people are meant for each other, it doesn't mean they have to be together right now... but they will eventually."

Assalamualaikum , how are you guys doing? 

Bertemu kita lagi dalam entry kedua aku dalam bulan Ramadhan tahun ni. Kali ni, aku nak bercakap tentang perihal "cinta bertepuk sebelah tangan". To be more specific, it is when your feelings of affection towards someone, cannot AND would not be possible to be reply in ways that you prefer. Since aku ni lelaki, then let me talk about this from the guy's perspective.

Now, let's see the reasons why things like this actually occur. 

One: Refusing ones past.

Ya, ini reason yang pertama in my opinion *based on first hand experience*. The girl/guy had meaningful memories of her past that she couldn't let go. Ini menunjukkan yang si perempuan seorang yang serius tentang mencari cinta dalam sesebuah perkahwinan. Tujuan utama bercouple bukan untuk sekadar suka-suka. It's unfortunate that the girl couldn't see that lelaki yang cintanya bertepuk sebelah tangan tu pun aim untuk benda yang sama; cinta dalam sesebuah perkahwinan bersama dengan si dia.

From here it'll be a bit personal.

Two: Doubts

The second reason. It's not nice of me to say this, but in my personal opinion,nowadays, in order for a women to feel secure about a men, dia perlu dijanjikan dengan sesuatu yang boleh memberi dia jaminan tentang masa depan dia. In my case, kalau aku tak mampu nak bercakap macam orang normal with Oren, couldn't show her that I can actually take care of her, or having something that differentiates me from other men out there, then I can say byebye to any chance to actually bina hidup bersama Oren.

This one's a bit general.

Three: Personal taste

The final reason. Yes, kepada perempuan semua kat luar sana, jangan la nak berdolak dalih tentang ni. Every single one of you have your own taste in man. But you need to realize one thing, the guy of your dreams doesn't exist. What's real is the guy that has feelings for you, hoping that you would realize he's right there for you, and for some stupid reason thinks that, some how, some way you would miraculously fall in love with him. 

*which is near impossible to begin with*

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Wah, emo sungguh aku malam ni ye? Jangan salah faham, I'm not mad or anything, I just had to vent out since I feel like crap ever since that talk I had. But that's history, now I want to tell you guys my side of the story.

Sepanjang hidup korang, korang pernah tak bercinta bagai nak rak, korang saling berjanji dengan pasangan korang that one day you'll end that relationship with marriage and that spark of love between you would be there eventhough korang akan hadapi dugaan and all those shit. 

*LOVEY DOVEY STUFF*

OF COURSE YOU HAVE! Sebab tu ialah pengalaman yang manusia normal macam korang akan hadapi. Unfortunately, aku bukanlah seorang manusia normal. I am a freak by nature. I live in a cubicle, semua pengalaman di atas tu,  none of it actually exist for me. 

Now that brings us to what I'm trying to talk about tonight. Like I said just now, I'm not normal. I talk like a nerd all the time. I froze up, otak jadi blank whenever I talk with people that I have feelings too. I can't smile properly to her whenever I look at her face. Aku selalu cakap benda-benda yang remeh and tak boleh diguna pakai when I tried to have  a conversation with her. I always forgot to ask meaningful things when I talk to her. I lost any sign of humor when I'm with her, any kind of jokes that I thought of would vanish just like that. 

 *that is just so freaking sad*

Apa yang aku cuba nak katakan ni ialah; although I look like a guy that she can't depends on, my feelings for her is true. Right now I might look like someone that can't promise her anything, but I refuse to give up. In fact from the first time I met her, I already set a goal in my mind. I want to marry this women. Yes. MARRIAGE. Why, you ask? SImple, true love can only be found in marriage. That is something I learn from my parents, and every single married couple out there.

But..*yes, there is a "but"*

If, somehow I'm just not destined for her..then I will put down my hands, and the only thing I can say to her is.. "I wish you will be happy.".. Tak lebih, tak kurang, takde yang lain selain tu. And if that happens, all of this chapters about her will be proof tentang macamana aku mencintai seorang perempuan dengan sepenuh hati aku. 

Right now, aku terus berpegang pada kata-kata seorang kawan aku ni. "If two people are meant for each other, it doesn't mean they have to be together right now... but they will eventually." I will always have faith in this.

Assalamualaikum.

p/s: bila baca balik, entry ni terasa sungguh emo and negatif..hmm...Sebelum aku lupa, aku nak ucapkan selamat hari raya Aidilfitri kepada semua umat Islam kat luar sana, and tak lupa jugak kepada semua kawan-kawan aku, harap korang maafkan salah silap aku, tak lupa juga pada Oren, maafkan la salah silap aku kat kau sepanjang perkenalan kita. I just want you to know that I love you and I hope you'll always be happy.

Kau Benci Pun Takpe. Kau Still Kawan Aku. :)

Assalamualaikum budak Aliah.

 *HAHA, ni dia gambar kau yang paling interframe skali yang still dalam simpanan aku*

Mesti pelik gile vavi kan aku tiba-tiba buat entry ni. Well cenggini sebenarnye. Aku tau la aku layan kau kasar sangat, tapi tu sebab aku rase selese bile lepak dengan kau. Kau jangan la salah faham pulak, aku ni saje je nak tengok kau marah-marah. Okay, fine. Kau kate kau tak selesa sebab aku tumbuk-tumbuk lengan kau tu, and aku ni memang takde hak pun nk berlagak mcam aku ni abng kau pulak layan kau mcam tu.  Tapi, bila aku buat mcam tu, aku rase mcam daily life aku ni ade tujuan tau tak?

Menyakat kau la jadi tujuan aku. Okay, maybe kau memang dah benci gile vavi la dengan aku sekarang, but you know what? Kalau kau nak benci aku pun tak kisah. Tau sebab ape? Sebabnye, kau ni budak pompuan prtame yang jd date aku *kau yang kate, dating tak semestinye dengan gf/bf, kalau dengan best friend pun boleh jugak* that's why aku rase kau ni antara member aku yang special. 

By the way, aku bukan saje-saje nak puji kau supaye kau maafkan aku eh, tapi ape yang aku rase ni bende yg aku betul-betul jujur rase tentang kau. That's what I honestly think of you la. You are my best friend, and a special one. Besides.. kalau kau tumbuk aku balik pasni pun aku tak kisah. Why? Sebab aku suke jadi member kau. Kalau tak, takde la aku ajak kau lepak semate-mate supaye aku boleh jab lengan kau lagi en? Haha. Well, I don't mind what you think about me after this, I just hope that you'll know how I felt about you. 

You're my friend in the past, now, and in the future.

p/s Okay, kalau kau dah abis bace *IF kau bace* then kau dipersilakan muntah hijau skrang disebabkan ke"cheezy"an post aku ni. Wokey Aliah, good luck exam kau eh, *mane la tau kau tknak ckp ngn aku lagi ke, sebab tu aku wish kat sini*

Assalamualaikum budak Aliah. :)

Orange! Grrrr *I'm angry not horny t-.-t*

Excuse moire' 

You know how last time I talk about me challenging Orange to be my girl friend right? Well it turns out she REALLY didn't give shit about the thing after all. In fact, she was uber relax when she had the chance to reply to my IM's. 

Just as a sign of good sport, I intentionally posted on her FB saying "See? I won! You don't have any chances in the first place! Hoho!" *damn, I sounded like a cocky cock douche -.-* But then out of no where, she replied by saying. "you're the loser actually ^^" And I was sitting here LIKE A BOSS enjoying my time online. And she uttered that one sentence, causing my face to be like this.

*lol no way I'm doing this....OK I did..a little*

Sure, technically, I AM the loser, since she actually rejected me as a whole, but since I taking this the positive way *which I'm trying so hard right now* That's just literally means that I have to endure whatever it takes for me to get her. Which also means I'll have crap load of time to readying myself for the worse. Pretty much I just have to try again next time. I AM A GUY. AND THERE'S NO FREAKING WAY THIS IS GOING TO BE A SMOOTH SAILING FOR ME. 

Rest assured Orange. I did win that bet. And next time. I'm going to be the one that's prevailed. Heheh baby, you won't be able to see this one coming that easily. I find my own way. JUST YOU WAIT.

*Okay, it is just me, or does that sound a tad bit creepy that what it intended to mean..? t-.-t*

Excuse moire', I'm heading out.