Serendah Waterfall

Assalamualaikum ya guys!

Last Sunday, me and the members of PSSM went together to Serendah for an event. You know, since most of the time, we never really have time to communicate with each other. So, this activity is something that I was really looking forward to.

We made our move at 7.30, and we reached Serendah at 8.30. Serendah was uber pretty (at least that's what I think), especially it's waterfall. 

*pardon the quality*

Before the other instructors like abng Naim, abng Habib and so on arrive, we decided to divide us into groups. Just so that we'll be able to play the game that day properly. After that we had a short play, kinda acts like a warm up before commencing our treasure hunt for that day.

After abng Habib and abng Habib arrived (with the whole Bukit Beruntung crew), we went on with the treasure hunt. It was kinda fun, since Awi (my senior) kinda brush off every single riddle that was given. *that dude's definitely got a computer as a brain*

The next thing was the best event. Mandi sungai!

*the dude's on the left is hafiz, he's my roomate last semester and also the one that asked me to join PSSM. The dude's on the right is ammar, but people just usually call him abi *did i spell that right?*

Oh, that day I also managed to talk with this girl. Her name's Nurul. She's really nice, basically when they get to know that I don't know how to swim, and the fact that she saw me sitting at the sideline, she actually took the initiative to talk me into going into the river too. Yep, she's definitely nice, especially because she and another friend (atib) tried their best to teach me how to swim.

*Sorry guys, I guess I'm still scared*..

After the river, abng habib told us to go and rest since we're having our lunch first.

*the homies are chilin', the girl in red is Nurul btw*

Well, there's not much for me to say other than the fact that I went through an experience that changes some part of myself. I can't talk about it here, but it basically gave me another insight on what I want to do with my life.

Now feast yourself on the remaining pictures.

*The human tower! Pity I couldn't took part in. I was still scared, sorry T___T*

*The girls look like they're enjoying this.Literally*

*The big boyz, these instructors are made up of pure manliness*

K, that's all, assalamualaikum.

Thank You

Assalamualaikum

Last night, I texted Orange again. I was wondering what she was doing (since she said she wanted to go back home since she had something to attend to). She told me that for the next 3 days, she's gonna off her phone since she doesn't have any charger to begin with. Then I thought to myself "aish, can I endure this?" *I know, that made me sounded like a wuss.sorry* I immediately posted a status on FB. But then the comments made my day.

*I just lol'ed at grandma Shila's comment. And to Freeda, thanks  for the advice :)*

I guess she was right when she said I should be concentrating on stabilizing myself for my future. I want Orange to know that she can count on me. But how can I do so? Simple, get a stable job, a good pay, a house and of course, a car. Then once I'm ready, I'll make my move.

p/s: I know Orange said whenever I like someone, I shouldn't put in too much hope towards the relationship. Well, I'm still doing it anyway, it's a sink or swim for me. If there is 'something" between us, then no matter what happens, our fate shall cross once more, and by that time, I'l be a whole different man.
Again, thanks for putting some sense into me Freeda. I'll always remember that advice of yours.

k that's it. assalamualaikum.

Mistakes

Assalamualaikum yo

Pernah tak korng rase mcm korang dah buat silap? And by saying "buat silap", I'm talking about something yang buatkan korang rase betul2 menyesal bila korang buat. Aku rase bnde tu dah jadi kat aku skrng.

I think the fact that I confess to Oren dh buat die kureng slese ngn aku la. Aku tk dpt nk rse perasaan sempoi bile ngn die lagi. Macam ade wall je. It feels as if yg die taknak aku ade sekumit pun harapan kt die. I know, die cume nk brkawan n aku pun kate die tak payah terime aku lg sbb aku nk cube tunggu. I understand, she doesn't need another lover right now, and I tried my best acting as if nothing happened. As if I didn't confess in the first place. Aku tau la, muke aku cool masam sngt, brlagak mcm tkde ape, tapi kalau aku dh suke kt seseorng, memng aku tak boleh nk tahan diri dr tngok die like everyday =_='' and I felt like texting her every minute. Haa.. aku rase sbb tu la die tak selese kot? Iye la, aku ni bukan ade ape2 dengn Oren, tapi nk caring gile bagai nk rak...

(Sesiape yg bace blog aku kebelakangn ni, kalau korang rase dh nk muntah sbb entry aku tak abes2 sbb Oren je, sile ar chow skng. Aku tknk ade yg dpt kanser sbb meluat ngn blog aku nih, HAHA.)

Tambahan pulak, skrng si Oren ni sibuk, ngn assgnment, ngn member2 die, so die tkde obligation utk jumpe aku. Dulu pun aku just lucky sbb dpt jumpe die 2 kali. Kali pertama sbb die boring, so die ajak la aku lepak. Disebabkan aku tknak waste the opportunity, aku pun confess la time tuh. Then second time pulak was a mere coincidence. Aku text die tnye die buat ape, then die kate die nk online, tapi bateri lappy die abes. So, disebabkan die boring tkde buat ape2, Oren pun ajak aku lepak lagi. See the resemblance? Maknenye kalau aku nk jumpe die lagi lepas ni, I need to wait til she's bored to the max. Mampu ke aku tunggu? Ya Allah, bagi la aku kesabaran supaya aku boleh tunggu Oren. Aku taknak pisang berbuah dua kali. Dlu aku pernah ckp bnde yg sama dekat "die". Aku tknak buat silap lagi.

*right now praying is the only thing that I'm capable of doing* 

p/s: Entah nape aku rase si Oren cam dlm problem skng.. Maybe it's just my intuition? I hope it's wrong though.

This Made Me Teary

Nothing much to say other than the fact that I spent my whole free day at the cafe downloading movies like a freaking tech-wiz. Well then, since I don't have anything to talk about, let me share with you something that I found.

This is a story about a boy and a girl. But let me warn you. This is NOT a happy-ending love story.

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Sayang Bukan Rahsia!

by Afizul Alif Muhd 

Ini kisah benar. Kisah diriku 8 tahun lepas. Kali pertama aku jatuh hati pada seorang gadis. Dia tidaklah secantik model. Tak setinggi mana & chubby sikit. Orangnya boleh tahan comel. Senyumnya manis, punya lesung pipit di pipi kirinya. Perwatakan lembut & manja. Dengan suaranya saja aku boleh tergoda. Pada org lain, dia hampir perfect. Matanya redup tapi wajahnya selalu kurang bermaya. Bila berjumpa dia nampak lesu saja. Pandai orangnya, kewangan stabil.. Full package lah kiranya.

Aku? Aku menarik orangnya, begitu kata gadis-gadis. Tapi kawan-kawan melabel aku sebagai lalaki biasa tapi body boleh tahan. Aku punya ketinggian yang cukup, dada yang bidang (gadis-gadis suka, boleh buat bantal kalau nangis). Kewangan? Tu tak tentu. Kadang-kadang ada kadang-kadang entah la... Otak? Boleh tahan la, cuma aku malas sikit. So aku belajar slow2 (faham-faham la..extend 3 sem!)

Ok, gadis tu aku kenal melalui internet. Dunia tak sebesar mana, dah lama berchatting, baru aku tahu dia satu kolej dengan aku. Seronok lah aku, boleh aku intai dia selalu. Mula lah aku korek2 rahsia pasal gadis tu. Haihh, lagi2 lepas tu aku dapat tahu, gadis tu memang dah faymes kat kelas aku. Ramai member2 aku kenal dia. Room mate aku? Pernah kena gossip ngan gadis tu. Sebab? Gadis tu baik sangat. Apa2 hal dia ringan je nak tolong orang. Sebab dia tolong room mate aku, kena gossip la. Tapi tu sebelum dia kenal aku. Aku pulak tak tentu pasal dengki. Room mate aku tu aku buat jadi musuh. Padahal aku belum ada apa2 dengan gadis tu. Saja nak dengki... Ngehngehngeh....

Aku sebenanrnya dah mula suka kat gadis tu. Tapi tak nak kantoi. Kenapa? aku pun tak faham ngan diri sendiri masa tu. So, aku pun makin hari makin rapat ngan gadis tu. Gadis tu? Alah, dia anggap aku member biasa je. Geram betul! Pastu aku pun menjalankan strategi mengayat tapi tak nak kantoi. Macam mana? Hahaha.... Rahsia. Lama-lama gadis tu pun dah macam respond je. Aku apa lagi, suka la! Tapi banyak masalah sikit, ramai betul orang nak masuk line. Sakit hati betul aku. Tapi sebab daya tarikan aku (perasan lagi), gadis tu tak terpikat lah ngan orang lain. Hebat betul aku!

Birthday aku, gadis tu tiba-tiba je ajak keluar. Tapi dia ajak room mate aku sekali, dengan member aku lagi sorang. Menyampah betul, aku nak keluar 2 org je.Tapi kami keluar 4 org. Gadis tu punya baik, belanja kami semua makan. Siap belikan aku kek. Wah terharu lah! Aku tak tahu nak balas macam mana, aku just cakap thank you. Tak lama lepas tu, member aku ajak gadis tu tengok wayang. EH?? Sedap2 je nak potong line aku? Aku dengan tak malu cakap aku nak join. Lah, aku ingat diorang keluar 2 org je. Rupanya satu geng. 7 8 orang, aku ingat lagi. Masa tu gadis tu belanja lagi. Semua yang ada. Wah banyak betul duit dia. Dalam kepala, aku dah terbayang-bayang seronok kalau keluar dengan dia, dia bayar semua! Duit aku bole buat pegi futsal, beli rokok, modify motosikal. Yahoo!

Tak lama lepas tu, aku baru dapat tahu, dia belanja masa birthday tu sebagai member je (dia memang selalu belanja kalau member birthday). HAHA aku perasan lagi. Apa pasal la gadis tu baik sangat? Entah la. Aku tak mengaku kalah. Terus tackle dan tackle. Lama jugak baru tersangkut. Rupanya dia ada sejarah lama, patut lah susah betul nak dapat. Dia pernah kena tinggal dengan ex-boyfriend. Bukan sekali dua. Empat kali. Kesian gak. Tapi apa boleh buat..

Aku mula berazam nak ikhlas lah ngn gadis tu. Tak nak mainkan perasaan dia. Tapi aku pantang satu benda. Aku tak nak ada girlfriend. Nanti terkongkong. Tapi dalam masa yang sama aku tak nak gadis tu rapat dengan jantan lain. Nanti mula lah aku naik angin. Lama jugak gadis tu bertahan dengan aku. Tapi aku masih macam dulu, tak nak kantoi. Tak nak member2 aku tahu hal kitorg. Hal-hal kewangan aku dah mula bertolak ansur, ada waktunya aku yang bayar. Ada waktunya dia yang bayar. Tapi selalu dia yang bayar (aku selalu pokai). Dekat FRIENDSTER, aku tak nak letak in relationship. Aku letak single. Kenapa? Tak nak kantoi. Lagipun aku tak pernah ajak dia jadi girlfriend aku. Tapi aku control dia dah lebih dari girlfriend. Tak boleh keluar dengan jantan lain, tak boleh tolong jantan lain, tak boleh itu, tak boleh ini. Kesian gadis tu, ikut je cakap aku. Dia memang respect kat aku. Aku? Ada masa sempat lagi chat ngan awek lain. Dia tak tahu, tak apa lah. Jahat betul aku ni.

Lama kami berkawan. Kawan je tapi control lebih. Jealous tak payah cakap. Masing2 kuat jealous. Problem cuma aku yang tak ajak dia jadi girlfriend aku. Tak kan dia nak ajak aku jadi boyfriend dia kan? Lama2 kantoi jugak dengan member2 rapat masing2. Tapi aku mcm biasa, no comment. Dia? Bila org tanya, dia cakap dia tak ada boyfriend. Aku bukan main sakit hati lagi. Dah tahu ramai peminat nak cakap macam tu pulak. Tapi fikir2 balik mmg betul. Aku bukan boyfriend dia. Aku sebenarnya tahu, dia nak aku yang cakap dulu. Tapi aku buat tak tahu je. Wah aku ni, dulu masa tak dapat bukan main lagi aku mengayat, sekarang dah dapat tak nak ada hubungan pulak. Tapi nak control. Pelik betul aku ni. Kadang2 kesian tengok dia. Dia mcmserba salah kalau nak cakap apa2. Ye lah, aku bukan boyfriend dia, bukan tunang, bukan suami. Kawan je.

Kami berkawan dari alam kolej sampai lah masing2 dah bekerja. Dia dapat jawatan bukan main tinggi lagi. Dia kan rajin & baik, semua org suka. Aku, biasa je. Gaji pun boleh la kalau nak buat makan. Masa dah kerja lagi banyak dia yang keluar duit, tapi dia memang tak merungut. Cuma kadang2 bila dia tak mampu, dia diam je. Tak ada gedik2 ajak aku keluar. Lagi satu, sepanjang kenal dia, tak pernah minta aku belikan apa2. Cukup sekadar aku berbual2 dengan dia dlm phone sebelum dia tidur. Gadis itu, baik sungguh. Member2 aku ramai yang kedana, awek mintak yang bukan2. Aku, senang je.

Birthday dia? Aku wish je. Lepas tu aku call dia 2 3 jam. Tak ajak pegi mana2. Tak bagi apa2. Kesian dia. Aku tak lah kedekut sangat. Cuma aku ni kayu sikit. Tak reti lah nak bagi apa2. Gadis tu, tak merungut langsung. Beruntung aku masa tu.

Usia dia menjejak 27 tahun. Dia masih melekat dengan aku, bukan sebagai girlfriend, bukan sebagai tunang. Masih lagi kawan je. Dia ada cakap pasal nak kahwin. Tapi dia tak cakap pun nak kahwin dengan aku. Aku buat tak tahu je lah. Kewangan tak stabil. Lagipun aku nak enjoy dulu. Tak faham2 aku ni, perempuan kalau dah 27 tu dah lambat la kalau tak kahwin,  tak tunang. Kesian dia. Mak dia dah bising2 kat dia suruh kahwin. Tapi balik2 dia terpaksa cakap kat mak dia, tak ada calon lagi. Aku pulak masih dengan perangai lama. Family aku tak tahu pasal dia. Family dia tahu tapi ye lah, kalau aku tak gerak takkan diorg yang nak gerak.

Last2 gadis tu tanya jugak dekat aku. Lepas 6 tahun berkawan.

"Awak, awak dah lama kawan dengan saya. Awak nak buat saya jadi apa nanti? Awak nak kahwin ngan saya ke?"

Aku tahu dia malu nak tanya macam tu. Tapi aku saja buat dia tak keruan.

"Eh, mana ada saya cakap nak kahwin dengan awak kan?"

Aku hanya bergurau tapi aku tak faham hati perempuan. Dia menangis depan aku time tu jugak. Aku buat tak tahu. Siap gelak lagi bergurau2. Pastu pujuk jugak tapi pujuk biasa je lah. Tak sentuh langsung hal-hal kahwin tu. Lepas peristiwa tu. 4 bulan kami tak berjumpa. Aku sibuk dengan kerja, tak tanya pulak bila lagi nak jumpa. Call pun  ada sekali dua je rasanya. Tiba-tiba bila aku buka e-mail, dapat e-mail dari dia.

"Awak, family saya asyik tanya saya tentang kahwin. Saya dah tak tahu nak cakap apa. Kalau awak sayangkan saya, sekurang-kurangnya kita bertunang dulu. Saya faham kewangan awak tak stabil. Saya boleh keluarkan belanja. Dengan duit simpanan saya sendiri. Saya segan nak tanya awak. Saya takut awak jawab macam hari tu. Tapi kalau awak tak sudi, saya boleh berundur. Ibu saya dah banyak kali cakap, kalau saya tak ada calon, dia dah ada calon untuk saya. Ada yang masuk meminang. Dalam masa sebulan lagi ibu saya akan bagi jawapan. saya harap awak faham. Saya mengaku saya sangat sayangkan awak."

Aku tak ada perasaan masa tu. Aku ingatkan dia saja nak buat cerita, buat point supaya aku gerak. Lepas tu aku tengok tarikh e-mail tu, 3 bulan lepas. Bila aku check balik, ada e-mail yang masuk folder spam. Dari gadis tu.

"Awak, saya tunggu jawapan awak. Saya cuba call awak banyak kali. Tak dapat. Ibu dah buat keputusan. Saya dah tak boleh undur lagi. Minggu depan saya akan kahwin. Saya minta maaf. Kalau sudi datang lah ke majlis saya."

E-mail tu tarikhnya sebulan lebih selepas e-mail yang sebelumnya. Baru aku ingat sebelum tu ada lebih 20 missed call dari dia. Tapi aku tak call balik sebab aku sambung tidur. Bila bangun aku dah tak ingat nak call. Kalau diikutkan, dia memang sepatutnya dah berkahwin. Aku beranikan diri cuba call dia. Dijawab oleh seorang lelaki.

"Salam. Nak cakap dengan isteri saya?"

"Salam. Isteri?"

"Ye, isteri saya terlupa phone dia dlm kereta saya tadi sebelum ke pejabat"

Aku terdiam. Gadis tu dah kahwin. Aku?

"Hello?"

"Maaflah ye, boleh saya tahu encik ni siapa? Nanti saya inform dekat isteri saya encik ada call. Rasanya nombor encik tak saved kat dalam phone isteri saya ni"

Aku rasa kelam masa tu. Mesti gadis tu cukup sabar menanti aku selama ni. Sekarang nombor aku pun dia dah tak simpan lagi.

"Tak apalah, kirim salam pada isteri encik. Katakan kawan lama menelefon bertanya khabar. Selamat pengantin baru"

Hari tu aku menangis semahunya. Gadis 'full package' yang manis, anggun dan sangat baik dah hilang dari aku. Sedih aku bila ingat balik, dia tak pernah berkira, tak kedekut, selalu tolong aku, bagi sokongan kat aku. Aku memang tak boleh nak salahkan gadis tu. Dia memang dah lama tunggu aku. Aku tak ada apa2 ikatan dengan dia. Aku memang tak boleh salahkan dia kalau dia tinggalkan aku. Tapi bertahun-tahun aku simpan harapan. Cuma sikap aku yang buat aku jadi macam ni. Sekarang aku kena mula cerita baru. Cerita yang sepatutnya dah nak sampai happy ending terkubur macam tu je.

Pesanan untuk orang di luar sana: Kalau kita suka/sayangkan sesorg, jangan segan ucapkan sayang. Jangan biar lepas. Nanti menyesal tak sudah. Lagi2 lelaki, kita memang tak suka dikongkong. Tapi selalu ingat perempuan tak suka dibiarkan sahaja. Walaupun diorg tak ckp, perempuan ni sebenarnya lebih suka bila ada org yang control dia. Mungkin rasa dilindungi. Rasa ada yang ambil berat. Ikatlah dengan satu ikatan, kekasih, tunang, isteri. Jangan pernah malu untuk beritahu dunia, gadis tu milik kita. Kalau benar gadis tu ikhlas, dia pasti gembira bila kita dengan bangga katakan dia milik kita.

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Right now I'm sure. I'll make Orange realize my feelings to her are genuine.

*kenape muka aku horny? HAHA*

Things That I Know and Love About You: Part(1)

Assalamualaikum

I was wondering. What if Orange ask me specifically why I am so infatuated with her. Would I be able to answer it on the fly? I doubt this poor tongue of mind would be able to. That is why I'm going to list out every single fact that I think about whether Orange crosses my mind. 

 

*It took me a couple of hours to refine the words*

#1: I love the way she treats everyone around her, she'll just relax and joking around while being cynical at the same time.

#2: I love her smile. That's one smile any guy would fall over.

#3: I love the fact that she's chubby(lulz) AND still looks pretty.

#4: I love how she treats all praises from me as a mere joke. She just wouldn't accept it.

#5: I love how she used to IM'd me on FB out of nowhere. I think that's extremely cute.

#6: I love how she tries her best to keep our conversation going despite being blank at that time.

#7: I love the fact that she's a bit older than me, that means she has experience with guys before. I'm pretty sure the way I ac must have looked ridiculous to her *sigh*

#8: I love the fact that she respected her parents so much. Parents are any child's priority.

#9: I love how she can be so easy-going. She claims she doesn't give shit to anything that she doesn't hold any interest in.

#10: Last but not least (for now) is the fact that she was the first women to ever gave me something as a present ( although it was intentional), that alone makes her someone that is worthy for me to love.  

ps: To Orange, if you're reading this, these still 30 things (as of now) that I have in my list. Just watch out, ohohohoho

*Just wait for it Orange! YA~~~~~~HA~~~~*

I'm Dying To Know What The Annoying Orange Is Doing Right Now

Assalamualaikum all..

*I'm thinking of what Orange is doing right now...*

Coming back home for my mom this weekend is practically a boring experience ( I know, I'm with my family, so I wasn't expecting anything interesting to happen) While I was lying around on in my bed doing nothing. I started to think of Orange. I kept on wondering, "what is she doing right now? what would she do during her past time when she doesn't have any credits to reply to my text? maybe she already forget that I existed? should I call? but I might be interfering with her life if I do that.. what should I do?" no matter how I try to brush it off, I kept on thinking the same thing over and over again. I'm sure she thinks that I'm a nuisance right now. Huh..so much about me not going to chase her..

 I'd wish I would have the ability to read other people's thoughts.. At least I don't need to go upside down topsy turvy just so that I can figure out what she is thinking. I mean, just yesterday I took a glimpsed at my phone like 35 time.. 35 TIMES I'm telling ya! Never once in my life I did that so many times. 

Then, a couple of day ago, while I was anxiously waiting for her to text (to no avail) Sasori saw how I acted. I remembered clearly what he said to me that time.. "Oi, kau ingat budak tu hak kau ke? Die tu ade life sendiri kau tau tak? Tak payah la kau nak mngharapkan die sentiase ade untuk kau! Nanti last2 die rase kau ni control sngt, trus die tak minat kau lagi dah!" Then after I manage to call Orange, Kakyoin said the same thing.. "bahaye la kau ni, asyik2 nk call die je. Kalau kau tak berenti, lame2 kau asyik2 nk call, last2 jadi tabiat. Susah kau nnt.."

Then let me ask you guys.. kalau aku tak text or call die, kalau die lupe aku macamane? Aku ni dah la takde rupe, pendek pulak tu. Kalau aku tak buat macamtu, takde pompuan yang sedar aku actually suke diorang. Nak buat bende lagi frust lagi, aku ni nak pakai ayat berbunga-bunga memang tak pandai! Kalau aku pakai ayat-ayat kejadah tu semua, aku rase si Oren ni pun akan gelak je kat aku. I mean.. aku tak rase, tapi aku TAU yang she would just think of it as a joke. Why? Because she a mature women, full of experience, making these kind of jokes with her buddies all the time, and of course, she can't look at me seriously because she has NO reason to look at me seriously just yet. I can't leave a heavy impression of my true feelings to her with me in this state. I guess that means I myself am not mature enough.

Now my question is.. How can I show her that I like her so much but at the same time NOT acting too desperate to get her attention?...My mind's all blurrryyyyy.....*sigh

assalamualaikum, kthanxbai

Confession

(Anyone who read this, I advice you to go and puke yourself out. This entry would be full of stereotypical romance stuff that a guy would think of)

Assalamualaikum~

Have you ever felt like confessing your feelings but in the end never did it because you didn't have the courage to do so? And then when you finally manage to muster up enough courage, you learned that she's not ready to settle for a commitment? But towards the end, you told her your feelings anyway.

These couple of days since the last time I updated this blog, my heart was telling me something. Last time I wrote about how I don't mind if "she" doesn't feel the same way about me. Well, I lied. I do mind about that. I just don't make a big fuss about it, and also because I don't want to pressure her with this silly feelings of mine. 

It happened yesterday when I was hanging out with my homies at the cafe when I saw her. Because of what I wrote on her FB, somehow I became..embarrassed when I saw her. I wanted to say hi, but my ego was obstructing me from doing so. Haha, so much for being an ego-free guy huh.. I guess I still have a lot of things to fix with this personality of mine. 

Then, back at the hostel I went online and accidentally, I saw that she was online too. Out of curiosity, I called out to her. 

Me: uii
Her: oii
Me: are u at the cafe?
Me: i saw you just now
Her: haaa, when did you see me?

Me: i was wth my buddies when they said that u wre there

Her: if u saw me, then why no say hi to me?

Me: heck no, i was shy lolz

Her: lol ==''
Her: oi, wanna hang out? im dead bored

Me: im all set, where?

Her: just at th cfe

Me: when?

Her: how bout 4?

Me: ok then! cnt wait to see ya

Her: lol, im wering a green shirt n my hair is messy like crzy, my face even got pimples all over

Me: ek eleh, as if I would care. i think u look just nice

Her: lol ==''

(other contents of the IM was taken out for the sake of privacy, thank you)

And the promised time finally arrived.

Me: (sleeping)

Her: waiting

(That was the stupidest mistake that I had ever done in my whole life -.-'')

When I got there, she was hanging out with her friends. When I finally had the chance to talk with her personally, she jokingly told me to keep my distance, ( I guess she would still be awkward with me, *sigh* ).Time went on peacefully as awkward silence took the best of both of us... when she finally took the initiative to speak. And from there things went a bit smoothly.

As she talks about her family, about how she was the one her parents gave the freedom to act and about how she love to buy clothes by herself, about her best friend and her school days. Then we talked about why she never believe it when people said she's pretty. I told her that my friends thinks she is pretty, but she said they were only being nice to me because they know that I had a crush on her. I kept on telling her that my friends wouldn't do such a thing. Even for me. But she laughs it off.

Then, as I watched  her while she was talking, I went towards the door, trying to make sure nobody would be there. Because I'm gonna do something that I hope I would never have any doubts in. I took a chair, and sit closer to her.

Me: ...I'm wanna talk about something really lame right.

Her: ?

Me: Do you actually believe me when I said I have a crush on you?

Her:Nope.

*she answered that without any doubts lololz TT______TT*

(she told me why she thought so)

Her: Once, my friend's friend wanted to get to know me because he saw my picture, but when he finally met me, he somehow changed his mind. Since then, I had troubles with camera but since my friends always bugs me about taking pictures with them, I guess I'm inseparable with cameras now lolz
Me: But it's a normal thing for someone to like you solely based on your pictures. You listen here, when I first know you, I like you because I think you're pretty. But then as time went on, I manage get to know you better and I realized that you're much more beautiful than I thought you would be. You're like, crazily friendly. Then, when I saw what you wrote, you didn't want to find anyone else because you'd just had a big breakup. So I understand what you're going through. But..I still wanna asked you this.. Are you willing to be my..girlfriend..?

Her: o____O'''
Me: Okay, you don't need to answer that now, because I would seriously run away if I see you next time.  I don't care how long it would take, 5 months, maybe half a year, I don't mind that. Just...please believe me when I said that I like you very much.

Her:...You're seriously making me blushing right now..
Me: XD *laughing* You know, I hope even when you know that I like you, the way you treat me would be no different, I hope you'll always be as fun as now. It's because, I once had a crush on a friend and because of that, she ends up hating me so much. I want us to keep on being friends now...and towards the end still become good friends.

Her: ... I take a lot of time recuperating, sometimes.. it would take years. So..let me tell you this. If someday, you actually fall for someone else, I hope you won't put your whole feelings for her. Because it would hurt you a lot. And when you talked about that girl that you like before, I don't thing she actually hates you, I think it's because she is afraid that she would hurt your feelings. I mean, if I became your girlfriend, that would mean I am the first one for you. That's why I would feel like I have an obligation to stop you from feeling pain in a relationship. I hope you would understand what I'm trying to say here..
Me: Well. I do understand what you're trying to say, but one for thing for sure, I am going to wait for you. And that's a promise. *grin*

Her: lol =..=""

(after what I did that day.. it felt like a burden was lifted off my shoulder. I felt like a free men. Just like Guy would say "Now you can sleep easily, eat easily, and go to the toilet easily") *he sure knows what he's talking about*

After that, we spent a bit of our time chatting. Deep down inside, I was being thankful because at least she didn't outright rejected me. So, now I can finally went on with my life. Why? Because I just have to wait till fate makes everything happens. With that, I'll keep on having faith. That's what a guy like me would do ohohohohoho~ 

Assalamualaikum kthnxbai