Sunday's Poem

La Familia

I. I was a wolf who walked without a pack
For I believed that everyone is a total quack
So I sift and shift through everlasting sands
Without a tinkling of hope for friends to hold my hands

I was naturally a pessimistic, you see
And it was naive for my mind to let it be
For the gift that I shall later received
Was a gift that I could never truly believed

So came Ash, the sole pillar in my storm
Then came Zimmer, the one voice that holds the norm
But out of nowhere, came the two ladies
Sham and Yuha, the everlasting Valkyries

So High Five, the name were christened
By the ever jovial Hans who smitten the heathen
And I sat there wondering
Is this name even working?

Truth and fate, two different individuals
Neither were trustworthy, both were infidels
But these four people you see, sit with me through thick and thin
As I metaphorically threw my shit through reality's bargain bin

Indeed, they had seen me in my normality
They had seen me when I was an inch away towards insanity
So my trust in them grew and grew
Until one day, I knew that this is true

I know now, there shall never be an end
In my bittersweet journey to find a friend
For instead of friends, I found myself a small family
That shall stay with me through sadness and tragedy

Saturday's Poem

                                                                 The Purging of Sovengrad

Greeting, my dear comrades
You may not know nor care who I am
For I am merely a lost soul that wanders
the fields of eternity

Listen, listen closely and listen well
For I shall tell you a dreadful tale
Of how innocent lie dead
And their family fell
Because of tyrannical greed
That comes straight from hell

The Sun was shining as bright as it could be
And the children were playing on the field as far as the eyes could see
But little did they know, that the sky shall yell and wail
As blood trickles, drenches from the faces that grew pale

Lives were shattered
Souls were released
The villages cowered
As the soldiers feel pleased

The great purge were upon us, descent
It stomps its feet on my people without consent
For I was there you see, looking with my one good eye
What would I do, if I were to die..?

I took up arms
Killing left and right
But to what extend
Can one man fight

So I lay there
Bloodied and battered
As my hands were tied
And my head, crushed and shattered

Now here lies one man
Who's soul shall forever be lost from hand
For now I can only wonder
What was left of my glorious Motherland.

3 Years Later Part I

A thousand years. A millennium. An eternity.

Felt like ages since the last time I set my foot in this blog. I remembered promising to myself that I'll write an entry a week. That didn't go so well, I guess.

Anyways..

Dear future wife.

How long has it been since you've read an entry in this blog? I'm sure you're wondering about where I went to, and what happened to me these past 3 years. I'm not even sure if you'd still care, but a man could dream, couldn't he? Life hasn't been nice to me since back then. I've graduated from diploma, but I didn't feel like teaching just yet, so I went ahead and do something crazy instead. I went to work at a saw-mill, doing odd-jobs and earn a minuscule amount of payment for my work. I know, you must be wondering why I did that. Well, strangely enough, I don't really remember why I wanted to do such thing, no concrete reasons, I supposed.

At least I learned a lot about humility, being put on the absolute lowest of the social hierarchy. I learned a lot about talking to the common folks. Looking at life from their perspective, it makes us humble, thankful for everything that we have in our life. 

Anyways, I've enrolled in USM during the second half of last year. I have to admit, being absent from studying for almost 2 years and a half, working my ass off at god knows where and lacking in the social department for quite some time made me feel terrified at the fact that I'm going to be a student again. And the feelings that I had at the time were based upon a concrete fact. It was justified.

The day came, and the torturing session starts. The mandatory orientation week were scary, almost consequently crazy, in my POV it was almost as if I've been put into a cage of lions and I was a stray cat. 3 weeks went by and I was struggling to fit in. Having a resting bitch face was not helping, and my depression starts to resurface again.

Unfortunately for me, the experience would be further amplified in the most negative of aspects.

A couple of days after the orientation week, I finally realized the dreadfulness of my situation. It was real, I'm doing degree in one of  the big named uni in my country, and me, this one boy with an average mind, and soul is going to be shove into a pressure cooker of agony and despair. This won't be a walk in the park like diploma, there's no Afiq, Syamil or Bo to save me here. I am alone. And I my mind was deteriorating, in the most shittiest way possible. It was a hot day when I find myself going through one of my blackout episodes. It was the first one of many more to come. I was walking by myself to class when, in a split second moment I completely blanked out, losing a small part of my memory in the process.

I was sitting on the pavement beside the busy road when the blackout happened, nobody was near me so I was spared from an awkward encounter with anyone. I was confused, but I carried on walking to the class. I kept quiet about it the whole day.

That night I spend alot thinking about the fact that my memory is slowly fading, one by one. I was scared, terrified, felt as if death was creeping around the corner. If there was one thing that I'm scared the most other than death, and loneliness, it was the fact that I would eventually forget everyone that was ever dear to me. That feeling alone was enough to cause my stomach to caved in by itself.

cont...