Worst Possible Conclusion?

Assalamualaikum. 

Last night was a bit sad for me. You know how I said that right now, there's no way Orange would accept me, right? Well, last night I actually went overboard again when she finally got online. I guess those signs that says "I've been single for too long" is obvious all over my face. -.-

But that's not the point that makes me sad actually. You see, Orange asked me a question. She said, "If I'm really not around anymore..I wonder what would happen to you?* That question of hers was a response to my post on her wall *the one that I said "Oi crazy.I miss you.*. Somehow, someway, out all all possible answers I chose the most immature one. I said "I will become crazy. Seriously.*Wussy answer ftw.

I don't know why, but I think....I think that answer actually made her lose any kind of mutual respect she had of me. It's..it's a bit frustrating, when you know you love that girl, but you can't do anything else in order to make her love you back. You tried to become blunt about the way you express your feelings to her, but sometimes, even if you said something so honest, the girl that you like wouldn't really believe what you said. And at the same time, it became so apparent that you're acting like that because you're desperate to get a hold of her, because you know, the moment you step back, other guys would act like a pack of hungry hyenas just to get her attention. 

 Getting the word "I love you too" is the most hardest thing any guy could possibly imagine. *At least, that's what I think for myself*. I always wondered to myself, "How does those girls feel, knowing that some average joe's loving them so much, but they can't do anything because they don't feel anything for the poor guy in the first place?" It makes everything worse since I have a lot of time in hand, making me incapable of doing something else other than thinking about my life and crap. -.-

Then I remember something from a khutbah. The ustaz said, when we silence ourselves, we would only feel shame once. But once we open our mouth, some of the words would cause us shame for a life time. Right now, that's what happening to me. From today, I think it's better for me to NOT open my mouth again when it's about Orange. Because I know I can't control myself when I think about her.

*I wonder if I'll go crazy for doing this?*

Assalamualaikum. Have a nice day.

Silat Cekak Pemberi Keberanian

Assalamualaikum

Morning korang. Hari ni, aku nak cakap sikit pasal silat cekak yang aku masuk baru-baru ni. You see, according to Ammar, abng Azzam, merangkap instructor silat aku tu pernah kate, "siapa yang masuk silat cekak ni, akan terbit perasaan berani yang lain macam dari dalam diri dia. You see, aku ni jenis orang yang tak berapa percaya benda yang macam tu. But, some of the things that happened to me this couple of months doesn't really make any sense. 

Examples:

1) I became honest about my feelings to Orange.

2) Aku jadi berani sikit untuk berhadapan dengan orang-orang yang aku tak pernah terfikir pun akan tegur.

3) Aku berani bidas pendapat orang lain terhadap aku, tak kira baik atau buruk.

4) I change my hair style...into something far more deadlier.

These 4, are things that I never imagine I would be able to do. Now everything started to makes sense. I guess the act of purifying myself yang dimestikan untuk semua pesilat tu, memberi kesan secara psikologi ke atas diri aku ni. Does that mean, mase tu, aku secare tidak langsung telah membuang sifat-sifat negatif aku?

Nevertheless, kalau silat boleh membantu aku jadi manusia yang lebih baik, aku akan praktikkan ke akhir hayat aku. Next time aku cite pulak pasal research yang aku buat pasal silat ni and about one more silat yang might membantu aku kalau nak melatih refleks sebagai seorang pesilat amatur, iaitu silat pulut.

Oh yes. There is one single fact that I overlooked till now. I am actually a martial artist, and I didn't even realize that sooner. Silly me, haha.

Assalamualaikum and happy sleeping.