As I was writing this, I realized at this point of my life, I was starting to lose control of myself. I'm becoming more violent, impulsive, annoying and many other negative trait that I shouldn't have in the first place. I'm starting to have doubts in myself. In the beginning, I wanted to change for the better. I wanted people to know who I'm really am. But the more I change myself, the more I'm starting to lose sight on my true self.
*It is the truth*
Today, I made a brash statement to my friend. Then I acted impulsively and took seriously a joke that my friend played on me. When he stated that I got angry easily, I instantly noticed the changes within my own psyche. I must admit, the surge of overconfidence that accompanied this "change" had gain my liking towards it. But, as my presence are made known to others, I had intentionally caused a rift in my relationships with people that I care. I'd just had this strange feeling that other people think me as inferior to them. As this fact had made me..literally mad to the point of releasing this frustration and venting it on innocent bystanders. Now with my parents going for umrah, I MUST ask them to pray that I would be cleared of doubts and that I would be a man that would not be ashamed of my own decisions.
*my parents and family*
Therefore, I am hereby telling myself that from now on, I am no longer the same person as before. I will change even if that is the last thing I do.
*Oh God, let me change myself to something better*
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