SEGMEN anGah Ini Blog Jiwa Jiwa - Ertinya Cinta Pada Anda?

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Assalamualaikum

sekali lagi bertemu di bulan Ramadhan yang mulia ini, kali ni, aku nak buat entry untuk segmen dari blog anGah - ini blog jiwa jiwa.*Go check it out!* Since ini pertama kali aku menulis untuk sebuah segmen, kalau ada salah silap tu, maafkan la, ye? hehe

 Apa yang kita faham apabila menyebut tentang "Cinta"? Bagi aku, cinta itu ialah kasih sayang, keprihatinan, dan yang penting sekali pengorbanan. Yang penting, ianya sesuatu perasaan yang dikongsi antara dua insan. Perasaan dari dua hati, tapi satu jiwa.

Aku bersyukur, sebab walaupun aku tak pernah merasa nikmatnya berpasangan, tapi aku tahu bagaimana rasanya bila diri ini jatuh cinta. Sepanjang pengalaman aku hidup di dunia ni, aku pernah jatuh cinta secara serius hanya dengan dua orang perempuan. Malang sekali bagi diri aku, nak merasa nikmatnye dicintai seseorang itu amatlah susah.

Aku belajar yang cinta itu sesuatu yang tak boleh dipaksa, cinta yang dipaksa itu ialah cinta yang hilang manisnya. Cinta yang dipaksa itu takkan lama serinya. Cinta yang dipaksa itu ialah sesuatu yang tidak rela. Kalau dia si dia, tak dapat menerima kita, kita tak boleh memaksa.

Aku jugak belajar erti kesabaran. Di saat diri aku mencintai seseorang, diri aku akan diuji. Mampu ke kita bersabar menunggu seseorang yang tak pasti akan menerima dan membalas perasaan kita? Kalau aku mampu bersabar menunggu 'dia'. Aku yakin dia akan sedar keikhlasan aku terhadap dia.

Akhir sekali, bagi aku cinta itu ialah pengorbanan. Aku pernah terfikir, untuk melepaskan dia, supaya dia takkan merasakan seolah-olah aku ni beban pada dia *sebab aku sukakan dia, tapi dia tak dapat terima aku..* dan agar dia boleh mencari lelaki yang mampu menjaga dia. Di saat aku terfikir macam tu, aku cuma terfikirkan tentang kebahagiaan dia. Aku cuma mahu dia gembira. Itu saja.

Jadi itulah dia, erti cinta pada diri aku. Moga si dia yang terbaca entry aku ni, akan faham dengan isi hati aku..

p/s: jiwang nya entry aku kali ni...haih..

Assalamualaikum.

Ali dan Fatimah Azzahra

Assalamualaikum

Cinta. When we talk about love, several tales would show up in our minds. Romeo and Juliet, Laila and Majnun, Uda and Dara. It's funny how most of the stories have a really tragic tale. But while we're busy reading about these tragic love stories, ada jugak kisah cinta ni yang ada penamat gembira. A really realistic one, but also really sweet. And it happened to real people too. 

*yep, percaye la*

There was a tale, deep down inside Saidina Ali, that he never told anyone in this world before. Fatimah, his childhood friend, the princess of Rasullullah, his cousin, had never looked so captivating to Ali's eyes before. 

Her elegance, her demeanor, and her beauty never had captivated Ali's senses until that fateful day. He saw this young lady tending to Rasulullah's wound, after being harassed by his own people. Fatimah was adamant, she went straight to Kaabah, standing up to the people who treated her father such way, and scolding them so hard, that the people just don't know how to react towards her.

Ali was mesmerize, all of his life, he never actually felt any love before. Now, he's actually feeling it, but he doesn't truly understands it that well. The feeling wasn't really mutual until one fateful day, Ali heard of a shocking news. A man had come to ask of Fatimah's hand in marriage. He felt devastated. To make matters worse, the man was the same man that is best of term with Rasullullah. A man who fought for Islam with his whole life and wealth. A man whose iman would never be doubt by Rasulullah or anyone else. Abu Bakar As Siddiq r.a.

"Allah is testing me" thought Ali. He truly felt like it was a test since he quickly compared himself to Abu Bakar. His place beside Rasullulah? Although Abu Bakar is not of the same line as Ali is to Rasulullah, Abu Bakar's determination in fighting for Allah can never be beaten by anyone. Not even Ali. When Abu Bakar chose to accompany Rasullullah for Hijrah, Ali was left to act as the decoy. Awaiting death for Rasullullah in his bed.

*Ini semua hanyalah dugaan..-Ali*

Just look at how Abu Bakar preaches of the way of Islam, how many important men that actually decided to embrace the religion. Such thing cannot be done by a man that seldom socialize like Ali. It wasn't possible after all. Just look at how many poor people that Abu Bakar actually aid, Bilal bin Rabbah, Yassir's family. How about Ali? In terms of wealth, Abu Bakar is a merchant, it's a clear thing that Abu Bakar can support Fatimah from financial aspect. Ali was a poor man from a poor family. "Such is brotherhood and love" mumbled Ali. "I prioritize Abu Bakar over myself, I prioritize Fatimah's happiness over my love." Love would never ask anyone to wait. It takes the opportunity or welcomes it. Love, is between bravery or sacrifice.
 

As time flows by, a small hope flickers insides Ali's heart. The marriage proposal was denied. The thankful Ali kept on waiting, making sure he himself would be ready. Somehow, the test had not yet end.

*Such test can make the human heart stutter..*

Once Abu Bakar was out of the picture, came another man. Such monstrosity and strength had earned him respect, and cause devils to run in his mere sight ever since he embraced Islam. Umar Bin Al Khatab. Yes, Al Faruq, the splitter of truth, had himself come to ask for Fatimah's hand in marriage. Umar embraced Islam 3 years after Ali, but who would doubt his honesty? His capacity to learn? To understand? Who would doubt the way only Umar and Hamzah would defend the Muslim community of that time period? Then Ali compared how he did the Hijrah with Umar. Ali did it quietly through the enemy sidelines. He had to do it at night-time, while during the day, he had to hide himself. Meanwhile, Umar in the other hand chose to announce it to the whole Quiraisy of his decision for Hijrah. Apart from challenging anyone that wanted to stop him in into a fight. Umar is a lion of a man. His bravery is unmatched by anyone. Excluding Rasullullah of course. Again, Ali thought, he is a man that is not yet ready to get marry. Especially marrying Fatimah Azzahra. No, it that case Umar is more than enough. Ali felt disheartened, but he accepts that fact anyway..

*satu demi satu halangan yang mendatang..*

Love would never ask anyone to wait. It takes the opportunity or welcomes it. Love, is between bravery or sacrifice. For Ali, this is his sacrifice. To his confusion, Ali receive the news of how the proposal was once again denied. 

Ali thought again, "What kind of man would Rasullullah want for his beloved princess? A millionare like Uthman who married Ruqayyah? Or Abul ’Ash ibn Rabi’kah , the Quraisy merchant whom married to Zainab? Ah, those two made me lose my confidence. Between the Muhajirrin, only Abdurrahman ibn Auf is actually qualified to ask for her hand."

Or maybe Rasullullah would want someone from Ansar to marry his princess? In order to strengthen their bonds. In that case, there's Sa’d ibn Mu’adzkah, the elegant, good looking leader of the Aus, or Sa’d ibn ’Ubaidah, the friendly leader of the Khazraj.

Out of no where, his Ansar friends ask Ali. "Why don't you try at asking her hand for marriage? Why not you try to propose to her? Somehow, we all feel that you might be the one that Rasullulah had been waiting for all this time for her princess." "I'm merely a poor man, kind I do this?" said Ali. "We will always be behind you friend" said his friends.

Mustering his whole courage, Ali went to meet Rasullullah and told him of his hope of asking Fatimah's hand in marriage. Yes, MARRIAGE. Ali knows, in terms of economy, he couldn't promise her anything. A suit of armor in his disposal and flour for him to eat. To ask for her to wait for 2 to 3 years would be a disgrace. "You are a true man among men o' Ali!" his heart kept telling him. "You are a man that is ready to be responsible for your love, to shoulder the risk of your choices. A man that believe in Allah's will."

*Only in Allah's will does he believe*

"Ah lan Wa sahlan" This two set of words came out of Rasullullah's mouth after hearing of Ali's proposal. Ali doesn't understand. What does Rasullullah means? He went and asked his friends of the meaning of these words. "Such stupidity!, if Rasullullah agrees to something, he would say Ah lan, but for you, he went as far as to say Ah lan wa sahlan, that is more than enough to say that her agrees to your proposal o' Ali!" And with that, Ali marries Fatimah by selling away his armor. For his willingness in sacrificing his own love for the sake of his friends, and his lover. He was finally united with that one women that he loves so much.

*penamat yang menggembirakan*

Ali was a true gentleman. This is a path that a warrior such as himself had to take, a road that interconnected with love. And right here, Love would never ask anyone to wait. And like Ali, he takes the opportunity or welcomes it. The first is sacrifice, and the second is bravery.

But such things had also occur to Fatimah. One day after their marriage, Fatimah told Ali " Please forgive me, for I had fallen in love with a man before you married me." The confused Ali asked her "Why then do you agreed to marry me?" Fatimah merely answered with a smile on her face "Because that man is you.."

*Touching doe..sweet sangat*

And that is the love story between Saidina Ali and Fatimah Azzahra.

Once again, aku quote ni,

"Andainya Kau adalah jodohku yang tertulis di Lauh Mahfuz, Allah pasti akan menanamkan rasa kasih dalam hatiku dan hatimu. Itu janji Allah..Akan tetapi selagi kita tidak diikat dengan ikatan yang sah, selagi itu jangan dibazirkan perasaan itu kerana kita masih tidak mempunyai hak untuk berbuat begitu….” 

Reading this tale had me thinking. Kalau lah somehow, Oren had feelings for someone else..I think I would rather let her be with that person than still thinking of me. That way she would be happy, right? Takde lah dia keseorangan lagi kan? Besides, cinta itu tak pernah meminta untuk menanti. Tapi ianya antara mengambil peluang itu, atau mempersilakan ia pergi. I think, in my case, if things turn out that way, I will let  her go. :)

*It's for her sake.*

Assalamualaikum 

p/s: sorry eh, kalau entry kali ni tak menarik sangat, just untuk tatapan bersama je, hee. 

Hati Saya Sangat Gembira

Assalamualaikum

Amacam hari korang kebelakangan ni? Ade best?? Wakakakaka, hati aku tengah rase best sangat-sangat sekarang ni, nak tau tak kenape? OK jap,

*Drum roll please* brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Oren masak lauk untuk aku! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee~ ^^

*excited like hell* 

Okay, biar aku cite dulu dari mule la ye, cenggini...

Semenjak kali terakhir aku sembang dengan Oren time cuti dlu, aku memang dah lame tak IM die, or text or call die lagi dah.  I don't know why la, tapi bende ni jadi selepas aku sembang dengan die pasal ex die tu. hmm..Whenever she talked about her ex, I kinda felt sad..

k, takyah cakap pasal tu =.=''

Ehem, nak jadi cite, sepanjang first week ni, aku memang sibuk la *although hakikatnye aku takde la buat keje yang berlambak sangt, it's just the ice breaking week btw* Secare tak langsung, aku memang takde mase nak contact Oren, although hatiku meronta-ronta untuk menghubunginya *ececececececeh*. Tapi seriously, aku rase terseksa jugak, sebabnye aku tunggu dia call aku sebab credit aku nk kena guna kasi info kat classmate aku, karang poket aku yang sakit..*hukhuk* Dapat dengar suara dia sekali pun cukup la.. :)

*alolololololo*

Truthfully, aku pun tak tau kalau dia sedar atau tak yang aku macam ignore dia ni ade sebabnye, *tpi aku rase Oren tak ambik port kot sal ni? hmm, entah la, aku pun tak tau..maybe ade, maybe takde..* Nak jadi cite, Oren call aku semalam sebab dia nampak aku lalu depan kelas dia, aku rase happy sangat time tu, tapi taknak tunjuk sangat kan, nanti ape pulak Oren kate...desperate sangat pulak aku ni... 

*sedih uh kalau dia betul-betul pikir camtu..*

Malam tu, aku ingat nak keluar merewang kejap, iye lah, dah esok nye takde kelas, bangun lewat pun takpe. OTW tu, tibe aku dapat text dari member si Oren ni haa, suh aku call Oren. Aku pun tak tunggu lame la en, aku trus call. Oren jawab. Aku ingatkan sebab ape, macam urgent je. Rupenye, si Oren tanye aku kalau aku nak makan tak kalau dia bagi lauk dia masak kat aku. Serius, aku terkejut time tu, tetibe je minah ni memasak! Macam tau-tau je aku tengah kebulor nak makan lauk pauk *iye la, aku makan telur goreng je kot sepanjang duduk sini, memang la aku kebulor nak makan lauk lain plak en..*

*Imma so hungryyy*

Secepat kulat aku melencong dari landasan yang aku awal-awal decide tadi terus ke hostel aku, iye la aku decide nak bagi hadiah birthday Oren time dia bagi lauk tu je la, kalau aku simpan lame-lame, kalau ade benda tak baik jadi kat aku, macam mane aku nak bagi hadiah tu kat die en? Then, secepat kulat jugak aku tulis surat dekat dia, aku luahkan sume yang aku nk cakap and pendam sepanjang tak contact die tu. Strangely enough, aku tak rase menyesal luahkan sume. ^^

*Seriously, I don't*

 

Akhirnye sampai la waktu tersebut, si Oren dah menunggu kat depan hostel die sambil member-member die yang meng'usha' peristiwa trsebut dari atas*ececece*. She handed me the paper bag containing the food that she had cooked. I was speechless AND happy at that time since that's practically the first time we had a face to face encounter since last semester. I was extremely happy. ^^. *of course, again I had to cover up that fact with a stern face, hoping she won't realized it, keke* 

 *OH MY FREAKING GOD YES!!*

Lepas Oren bagi aku beg tu, dia cam tergesa-gesa nak naik atas. Aku pun cepat-cepat la cakap, "oi, ko jangan pegi dulu". Dia tengok aku, pastu aku bukak beg galas aku and cepat-cepat bagi hadiah tu kat dia! Macam biase, aku cover lgi pakai muka seposen aku, jadi tak nampak la mcam aku nervous gilew-gilew *ew wempiewtz* Time tu member-member Oren dh jerit kat atas dah, *hatiku terasa begitu ketakutan sekali awww* Time tu aku cakap kt dia, "bende ni aku dah lame beli, since skrng still dalam bulan 7, elok la aku bagi kat ko skrng.."

*:)*

HAAAAAAA, camtu ar citenye! Balik tu aku tunggu smpai pkul 1 lebih baru makan, sebab nasik aku dah masak dah. Serius, Oren masak memang sedap, iye la smpai housemate aku si Lucis ni pun cakap Oren masak macam mak dia masak, manyak sedap woo~ *Oren, ak bukan puji saje-saje ye, aku jujur nih..*

*sedap sngt ^^*

Aku tak tau la sebab ape Oren tibe-tibe masak bagi aku ni *samada sengaja atau secare tak sengaja nk bagi kt aku* aku bersyukur sebab dapat peluang merase masakan dia. Hei, ini kali pertama aku rasa masakan orang lain selain masakan kakak-kakak aku, mak aku, tok aku, and ayah aku tau? This is a new experience for me, and I love ever single part of it.

*did I made that clear enough? hoho*

Anyways, thanks a lot tau Oren, now I love you more *sebab ko masak sedap ekekeke~^^*

Assalamualaikum

p/s: kalau dia nak masak hari-hari pun aku tak kisah, ekekeke ^^

A Seed Called Love

  Assalamualaikum, hi ya guys!

"Bila kita cintakan seseorang, kita takkan mengharapkan mereka untuk menjadi milik kita. Apa yang kita mahukan, hanyalah kegembiraan dan kebahagiaan bagi diri mereka."-Sincerely me.

Sekadar pembuka entry pada *tengah malam* hari ni, hoho ^^

A couple of months ago, I was finally on a stage where I think I have found someone that I love. Tapi aku belum faham apa yang dimaksudkan dengan perkataan "cinta" tu. For me, semua perkara yang terjadi kat aku, sepanjang beberapa bulan ni, had changed me into an impulsive man. Because of my impulsiveness, aku anggap yang showing my affection towards her would actually secure my spot in her heart.

*:)*

Somehow, until a day ago, I was taken in by a storm with a situation that demands me to make a decision. Between sabotaging a beautiful relationship, or cuba sedaya upaya aku untuk baiki hubungan tu. The situation presented me with a choice. In that split second moment, aku pilih jalan yang aku anggap terbaik untuk membuatkan "dia" gembira, iaitu dengan bagi sokongan moral to her, and urging her to do what she think is right for her.

*believe in me*

I'm sure you are wondering, if I really do love her, kenapa aku tak try untuk buat benda yang patut bagi kelebihan kat diri aku, betul tak?

* I was torn between the right choice*

Honestly, at first aku pun tak tahu, kalau aku dah buat pilihan yang betul *bagi aku* atau tak. But to think of it, from a love-struck individual point of view, I think I'd made the right decision. Today, she showed me how happy she was. For me, nothing matters most than seeing that smile of hers, even if she won't be with me. 

*I really do*

Now, I would love her for no more reason other than Allah. Kerana sekarang..aku serahkan soal jodoh kepada DIA. Apa yang aku mmpu buat, hanyelah berusaha. Aku percaya, mungkin jodoh tu bukan sekarang, tapi satu hari nanti. 

 *Aku yakin!*

Assalamualaikum. 

p/s: I think..someday, I'll use this entries about hers as proof that at one point in my life, I had loved a women, with all of my heart. 

 

My Reason and The Birthday Wish

Assalamualaikum Oren. 

Kau mesti pelik kan aku buat satu entry yang memang khas didedikasikan untuk kau. *lulz tngok title pun tau sebab ape..* Kau tau tak, sekarang hati aku rasa happy sangat-sangat. Satu, aku happy sebab kau ingat aku emo dengan kau bila aku asyik tak angkat call kau. Haha, macam bodoh je reasonnye kan? Maybe sebab aku tau kau ni jenis yang tak ambik port pasal aku. Jadi bila kau tiba-tiba text aku malam tu, hati aku rasa senang pulak.. Lagi satu, sebabnye adalah...aku rasa kau pun mesti tau sebabnye kan..? Hohoho.

*muke gatal tak buleh blah* 

Haa, bukan salah aku okay sebab setiap kali kau call, aku mesti in the middle of doing something. Hari tu kau miss call aku 2 kali, *btw, aku tau limit kau untuk miss call aku dalam satu-satu masa mesti 2 kali je, hakhak, tak pernah lebih* masa tu aku ada dalam toilet. Adik aku tiba-tiba sibuk ketuk dari luar kata "Oren tepon!" Aku baru nak sruh dia angkat, kau dah tak call-call balik.. -.-''

*sedih sungguh ohh*

Then malam tu *not really malam, more like pagi la* kau call lagi, but this time I was eating my late supper *iye, aku tau makan malam-malam tu menggemukkan..* So, not wasting any time, aku terus call kau. :) You know what? The funny thing is, aku sentiasa teringat kat kau sepanjang cuti ni, in fact, I think you're always end up being in my head.

* I do not know why, haha*

BUT. *yes, that's a whole capital letter for you* I think the act of showing my affection for you every time would just make you feel uncomfortable. Aku suka kau sangat, sampaikan aku terlupa, kau ni manusia yang ada kehidupan sendiri, most of all you are a mature young women *although sometimes, you act so childishly haha* I can't be greedy and keep you all to myself. Ada orang lain yang berkemungkinan perlukan kau lebih daripada aku. That's why I tried not thinking about you too much. Haha, truthfully aku ingat aku boleh tahan lebih lama daripada 4 hari, but I guess aku tak cukup kesabaran. Silly me..

*:)*

Another thing, masa aku call kau tu, suara macam lain sangat. Macam suara orang sedih je, haha. *okay, aku pikir banyak sangat ni* Oren. Aku nak kau tau, the only reason I would somehow got emo with you is because aku jadi jealous. That's it. There's no way aku akan reallllllly emo dengan kau. Sebab, I love you. It's simple as that. haha *I think it's normal for me to get jealous sometimes, since I'm sure a lot of guys have set their eyes on you too*

*I know there are other guys that's on to you right now*

Since aku taknak lari tajuk en, I just want to say happy birthday Orange! I hope you'll become pretty as always and moga Allah merahmati kau sepanjang masa. I hope your wish to become thinner would come true. HAHA *I'm a failure at being cynical.. -.-*.And aku harap kau boleh jumpa seorang lelaki mampu buat kau happy. *Is it wrong if I wished so hard that I could be that man? :)* Remember that I'll always be there for you, if you need me of course. :)

*Anytime babe, anytime*

p/s: I think you look pretty the first time I saw your pic, but now I think you look prettier in real life. Stay healthy Orange. Also,remember that I love you, that's all.

Assalamualaikum.bye.

reaksi pembaca: 

*entry ni sangat gedik sampai kami muntah rainbow!!*


Aku: diam ah! suka hati aku la!.

p/s: kalau nk aku nyanyi, tepon aku! kahkah

Things That I Know and Love About You: Part(2)

Excuse moire' ladies and gentlemen. Here's the continuation of the list I mention in my previous post. 

#11: She loves eating fatty foods. -.- . I know, you guys must be wondering why I mention this, right? Well, most girls nowadays are freaking afraid about letting themselves go all out when eating. They worry too much about their figure and whatnot. Orange's a bit different, she does worries, but instead of putting much pressure on herself, she just think of it as a nuisance. Oh, btw, she adores cheezy wedges. She'll go GAGA all over it. :D

*I wonder if Orange would drool while seeing this?*

#12: Orange said that once, her neighbors actually did something bad to her family. From that point on, she detest them.What's funny is, her neighbors did so in the first place because her family was.. different. It amazes me how under that quirky exterior of hers, lies something far more different and sad altogether.

*smiling, but sad * 

#13: Somewhere in her past, Orange had her fair share of being a sadist.*Don't get me wrong, I'm not a fan of S&M, mind that* The story goes like this. Once, there was a rat in her house, what Orange did was she hit it with her dad's golf club *or was it something else?* What makes it strange is, she think it felt good. The moment she hit the rats head and it spilled like watermelons make her feel..happy? I don't know for sure, but Orange is an expert in mind-f**king my brain that sometimes I don't know what's right or what's wrong.

 *sadistic to the core, literally*

#14:During her highschool years, she enrolled into MBS. Since *if I'm not mistaken* it was suppose to be boys school(?)and since she's entering form 6 *which is the only place with girls in it*, most of her classmates *boys, of course* would be awkward around her. *especially this one particular guy, Barathan..something..* Then one day, she went out for recess quite late. So she had to eat like super quick since time's running out.The prefect comes in into the fray, trying to persuade her to leave her food. That's when Orange rebellious nature kicks in and she fought off the prefect *verbally though*. Towards the end, some of the people that aid her during that time became her friends, but she still ends up cleaning the canteen alone though..


#15: Orange told me that she was once freaking slim during highschool. I won't argue with that since she showed me old pictures of hers. Well, she does look lovely before. But honestly, I think she looks better now.Orange had a theory about how she ends up being chubby. She said, after school time's over, her friends would usually treat her to some snacks. Since MBS are adjacent to fast food joints, *Mcd..blabla* you could say that Orange had no problem looking for food AND shelter during her highschool days * lulz..sarcasm* She said that her friends *mostly guys* are jealous of her figure *I was just wondering why guys would jealous or a girl's figure..I dunno..*So they would intentionally buys her fatty foods and stuff. *I must say, other than the fact that Orange had a sadistic nature, she does love conspiracy theories too* But I think she's already lovely the way she is.

 

That's it for now. Next time I'll be updating with more facts. Wait for it Orange.

Orange! Grrrr *I'm angry not horny t-.-t*

Excuse moire' 

You know how last time I talk about me challenging Orange to be my girl friend right? Well it turns out she REALLY didn't give shit about the thing after all. In fact, she was uber relax when she had the chance to reply to my IM's. 

Just as a sign of good sport, I intentionally posted on her FB saying "See? I won! You don't have any chances in the first place! Hoho!" *damn, I sounded like a cocky cock douche -.-* But then out of no where, she replied by saying. "you're the loser actually ^^" And I was sitting here LIKE A BOSS enjoying my time online. And she uttered that one sentence, causing my face to be like this.

*lol no way I'm doing this....OK I did..a little*

Sure, technically, I AM the loser, since she actually rejected me as a whole, but since I taking this the positive way *which I'm trying so hard right now* That's just literally means that I have to endure whatever it takes for me to get her. Which also means I'll have crap load of time to readying myself for the worse. Pretty much I just have to try again next time. I AM A GUY. AND THERE'S NO FREAKING WAY THIS IS GOING TO BE A SMOOTH SAILING FOR ME. 

Rest assured Orange. I did win that bet. And next time. I'm going to be the one that's prevailed. Heheh baby, you won't be able to see this one coming that easily. I find my own way. JUST YOU WAIT.

*Okay, it is just me, or does that sound a tad bit creepy that what it intended to mean..? t-.-t*

Excuse moire', I'm heading out.

This Made Me Teary

Nothing much to say other than the fact that I spent my whole free day at the cafe downloading movies like a freaking tech-wiz. Well then, since I don't have anything to talk about, let me share with you something that I found.

This is a story about a boy and a girl. But let me warn you. This is NOT a happy-ending love story.

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Sayang Bukan Rahsia!

by Afizul Alif Muhd 

Ini kisah benar. Kisah diriku 8 tahun lepas. Kali pertama aku jatuh hati pada seorang gadis. Dia tidaklah secantik model. Tak setinggi mana & chubby sikit. Orangnya boleh tahan comel. Senyumnya manis, punya lesung pipit di pipi kirinya. Perwatakan lembut & manja. Dengan suaranya saja aku boleh tergoda. Pada org lain, dia hampir perfect. Matanya redup tapi wajahnya selalu kurang bermaya. Bila berjumpa dia nampak lesu saja. Pandai orangnya, kewangan stabil.. Full package lah kiranya.

Aku? Aku menarik orangnya, begitu kata gadis-gadis. Tapi kawan-kawan melabel aku sebagai lalaki biasa tapi body boleh tahan. Aku punya ketinggian yang cukup, dada yang bidang (gadis-gadis suka, boleh buat bantal kalau nangis). Kewangan? Tu tak tentu. Kadang-kadang ada kadang-kadang entah la... Otak? Boleh tahan la, cuma aku malas sikit. So aku belajar slow2 (faham-faham la..extend 3 sem!)

Ok, gadis tu aku kenal melalui internet. Dunia tak sebesar mana, dah lama berchatting, baru aku tahu dia satu kolej dengan aku. Seronok lah aku, boleh aku intai dia selalu. Mula lah aku korek2 rahsia pasal gadis tu. Haihh, lagi2 lepas tu aku dapat tahu, gadis tu memang dah faymes kat kelas aku. Ramai member2 aku kenal dia. Room mate aku? Pernah kena gossip ngan gadis tu. Sebab? Gadis tu baik sangat. Apa2 hal dia ringan je nak tolong orang. Sebab dia tolong room mate aku, kena gossip la. Tapi tu sebelum dia kenal aku. Aku pulak tak tentu pasal dengki. Room mate aku tu aku buat jadi musuh. Padahal aku belum ada apa2 dengan gadis tu. Saja nak dengki... Ngehngehngeh....

Aku sebenanrnya dah mula suka kat gadis tu. Tapi tak nak kantoi. Kenapa? aku pun tak faham ngan diri sendiri masa tu. So, aku pun makin hari makin rapat ngan gadis tu. Gadis tu? Alah, dia anggap aku member biasa je. Geram betul! Pastu aku pun menjalankan strategi mengayat tapi tak nak kantoi. Macam mana? Hahaha.... Rahsia. Lama-lama gadis tu pun dah macam respond je. Aku apa lagi, suka la! Tapi banyak masalah sikit, ramai betul orang nak masuk line. Sakit hati betul aku. Tapi sebab daya tarikan aku (perasan lagi), gadis tu tak terpikat lah ngan orang lain. Hebat betul aku!

Birthday aku, gadis tu tiba-tiba je ajak keluar. Tapi dia ajak room mate aku sekali, dengan member aku lagi sorang. Menyampah betul, aku nak keluar 2 org je.Tapi kami keluar 4 org. Gadis tu punya baik, belanja kami semua makan. Siap belikan aku kek. Wah terharu lah! Aku tak tahu nak balas macam mana, aku just cakap thank you. Tak lama lepas tu, member aku ajak gadis tu tengok wayang. EH?? Sedap2 je nak potong line aku? Aku dengan tak malu cakap aku nak join. Lah, aku ingat diorang keluar 2 org je. Rupanya satu geng. 7 8 orang, aku ingat lagi. Masa tu gadis tu belanja lagi. Semua yang ada. Wah banyak betul duit dia. Dalam kepala, aku dah terbayang-bayang seronok kalau keluar dengan dia, dia bayar semua! Duit aku bole buat pegi futsal, beli rokok, modify motosikal. Yahoo!

Tak lama lepas tu, aku baru dapat tahu, dia belanja masa birthday tu sebagai member je (dia memang selalu belanja kalau member birthday). HAHA aku perasan lagi. Apa pasal la gadis tu baik sangat? Entah la. Aku tak mengaku kalah. Terus tackle dan tackle. Lama jugak baru tersangkut. Rupanya dia ada sejarah lama, patut lah susah betul nak dapat. Dia pernah kena tinggal dengan ex-boyfriend. Bukan sekali dua. Empat kali. Kesian gak. Tapi apa boleh buat..

Aku mula berazam nak ikhlas lah ngn gadis tu. Tak nak mainkan perasaan dia. Tapi aku pantang satu benda. Aku tak nak ada girlfriend. Nanti terkongkong. Tapi dalam masa yang sama aku tak nak gadis tu rapat dengan jantan lain. Nanti mula lah aku naik angin. Lama jugak gadis tu bertahan dengan aku. Tapi aku masih macam dulu, tak nak kantoi. Tak nak member2 aku tahu hal kitorg. Hal-hal kewangan aku dah mula bertolak ansur, ada waktunya aku yang bayar. Ada waktunya dia yang bayar. Tapi selalu dia yang bayar (aku selalu pokai). Dekat FRIENDSTER, aku tak nak letak in relationship. Aku letak single. Kenapa? Tak nak kantoi. Lagipun aku tak pernah ajak dia jadi girlfriend aku. Tapi aku control dia dah lebih dari girlfriend. Tak boleh keluar dengan jantan lain, tak boleh tolong jantan lain, tak boleh itu, tak boleh ini. Kesian gadis tu, ikut je cakap aku. Dia memang respect kat aku. Aku? Ada masa sempat lagi chat ngan awek lain. Dia tak tahu, tak apa lah. Jahat betul aku ni.

Lama kami berkawan. Kawan je tapi control lebih. Jealous tak payah cakap. Masing2 kuat jealous. Problem cuma aku yang tak ajak dia jadi girlfriend aku. Tak kan dia nak ajak aku jadi boyfriend dia kan? Lama2 kantoi jugak dengan member2 rapat masing2. Tapi aku mcm biasa, no comment. Dia? Bila org tanya, dia cakap dia tak ada boyfriend. Aku bukan main sakit hati lagi. Dah tahu ramai peminat nak cakap macam tu pulak. Tapi fikir2 balik mmg betul. Aku bukan boyfriend dia. Aku sebenarnya tahu, dia nak aku yang cakap dulu. Tapi aku buat tak tahu je. Wah aku ni, dulu masa tak dapat bukan main lagi aku mengayat, sekarang dah dapat tak nak ada hubungan pulak. Tapi nak control. Pelik betul aku ni. Kadang2 kesian tengok dia. Dia mcmserba salah kalau nak cakap apa2. Ye lah, aku bukan boyfriend dia, bukan tunang, bukan suami. Kawan je.

Kami berkawan dari alam kolej sampai lah masing2 dah bekerja. Dia dapat jawatan bukan main tinggi lagi. Dia kan rajin & baik, semua org suka. Aku, biasa je. Gaji pun boleh la kalau nak buat makan. Masa dah kerja lagi banyak dia yang keluar duit, tapi dia memang tak merungut. Cuma kadang2 bila dia tak mampu, dia diam je. Tak ada gedik2 ajak aku keluar. Lagi satu, sepanjang kenal dia, tak pernah minta aku belikan apa2. Cukup sekadar aku berbual2 dengan dia dlm phone sebelum dia tidur. Gadis itu, baik sungguh. Member2 aku ramai yang kedana, awek mintak yang bukan2. Aku, senang je.

Birthday dia? Aku wish je. Lepas tu aku call dia 2 3 jam. Tak ajak pegi mana2. Tak bagi apa2. Kesian dia. Aku tak lah kedekut sangat. Cuma aku ni kayu sikit. Tak reti lah nak bagi apa2. Gadis tu, tak merungut langsung. Beruntung aku masa tu.

Usia dia menjejak 27 tahun. Dia masih melekat dengan aku, bukan sebagai girlfriend, bukan sebagai tunang. Masih lagi kawan je. Dia ada cakap pasal nak kahwin. Tapi dia tak cakap pun nak kahwin dengan aku. Aku buat tak tahu je lah. Kewangan tak stabil. Lagipun aku nak enjoy dulu. Tak faham2 aku ni, perempuan kalau dah 27 tu dah lambat la kalau tak kahwin,  tak tunang. Kesian dia. Mak dia dah bising2 kat dia suruh kahwin. Tapi balik2 dia terpaksa cakap kat mak dia, tak ada calon lagi. Aku pulak masih dengan perangai lama. Family aku tak tahu pasal dia. Family dia tahu tapi ye lah, kalau aku tak gerak takkan diorg yang nak gerak.

Last2 gadis tu tanya jugak dekat aku. Lepas 6 tahun berkawan.

"Awak, awak dah lama kawan dengan saya. Awak nak buat saya jadi apa nanti? Awak nak kahwin ngan saya ke?"

Aku tahu dia malu nak tanya macam tu. Tapi aku saja buat dia tak keruan.

"Eh, mana ada saya cakap nak kahwin dengan awak kan?"

Aku hanya bergurau tapi aku tak faham hati perempuan. Dia menangis depan aku time tu jugak. Aku buat tak tahu. Siap gelak lagi bergurau2. Pastu pujuk jugak tapi pujuk biasa je lah. Tak sentuh langsung hal-hal kahwin tu. Lepas peristiwa tu. 4 bulan kami tak berjumpa. Aku sibuk dengan kerja, tak tanya pulak bila lagi nak jumpa. Call pun  ada sekali dua je rasanya. Tiba-tiba bila aku buka e-mail, dapat e-mail dari dia.

"Awak, family saya asyik tanya saya tentang kahwin. Saya dah tak tahu nak cakap apa. Kalau awak sayangkan saya, sekurang-kurangnya kita bertunang dulu. Saya faham kewangan awak tak stabil. Saya boleh keluarkan belanja. Dengan duit simpanan saya sendiri. Saya segan nak tanya awak. Saya takut awak jawab macam hari tu. Tapi kalau awak tak sudi, saya boleh berundur. Ibu saya dah banyak kali cakap, kalau saya tak ada calon, dia dah ada calon untuk saya. Ada yang masuk meminang. Dalam masa sebulan lagi ibu saya akan bagi jawapan. saya harap awak faham. Saya mengaku saya sangat sayangkan awak."

Aku tak ada perasaan masa tu. Aku ingatkan dia saja nak buat cerita, buat point supaya aku gerak. Lepas tu aku tengok tarikh e-mail tu, 3 bulan lepas. Bila aku check balik, ada e-mail yang masuk folder spam. Dari gadis tu.

"Awak, saya tunggu jawapan awak. Saya cuba call awak banyak kali. Tak dapat. Ibu dah buat keputusan. Saya dah tak boleh undur lagi. Minggu depan saya akan kahwin. Saya minta maaf. Kalau sudi datang lah ke majlis saya."

E-mail tu tarikhnya sebulan lebih selepas e-mail yang sebelumnya. Baru aku ingat sebelum tu ada lebih 20 missed call dari dia. Tapi aku tak call balik sebab aku sambung tidur. Bila bangun aku dah tak ingat nak call. Kalau diikutkan, dia memang sepatutnya dah berkahwin. Aku beranikan diri cuba call dia. Dijawab oleh seorang lelaki.

"Salam. Nak cakap dengan isteri saya?"

"Salam. Isteri?"

"Ye, isteri saya terlupa phone dia dlm kereta saya tadi sebelum ke pejabat"

Aku terdiam. Gadis tu dah kahwin. Aku?

"Hello?"

"Maaflah ye, boleh saya tahu encik ni siapa? Nanti saya inform dekat isteri saya encik ada call. Rasanya nombor encik tak saved kat dalam phone isteri saya ni"

Aku rasa kelam masa tu. Mesti gadis tu cukup sabar menanti aku selama ni. Sekarang nombor aku pun dia dah tak simpan lagi.

"Tak apalah, kirim salam pada isteri encik. Katakan kawan lama menelefon bertanya khabar. Selamat pengantin baru"

Hari tu aku menangis semahunya. Gadis 'full package' yang manis, anggun dan sangat baik dah hilang dari aku. Sedih aku bila ingat balik, dia tak pernah berkira, tak kedekut, selalu tolong aku, bagi sokongan kat aku. Aku memang tak boleh nak salahkan gadis tu. Dia memang dah lama tunggu aku. Aku tak ada apa2 ikatan dengan dia. Aku memang tak boleh salahkan dia kalau dia tinggalkan aku. Tapi bertahun-tahun aku simpan harapan. Cuma sikap aku yang buat aku jadi macam ni. Sekarang aku kena mula cerita baru. Cerita yang sepatutnya dah nak sampai happy ending terkubur macam tu je.

Pesanan untuk orang di luar sana: Kalau kita suka/sayangkan sesorg, jangan segan ucapkan sayang. Jangan biar lepas. Nanti menyesal tak sudah. Lagi2 lelaki, kita memang tak suka dikongkong. Tapi selalu ingat perempuan tak suka dibiarkan sahaja. Walaupun diorg tak ckp, perempuan ni sebenarnya lebih suka bila ada org yang control dia. Mungkin rasa dilindungi. Rasa ada yang ambil berat. Ikatlah dengan satu ikatan, kekasih, tunang, isteri. Jangan pernah malu untuk beritahu dunia, gadis tu milik kita. Kalau benar gadis tu ikhlas, dia pasti gembira bila kita dengan bangga katakan dia milik kita.

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Right now I'm sure. I'll make Orange realize my feelings to her are genuine.

*kenape muka aku horny? HAHA*

Things That I Know and Love About You: Part(1)

Assalamualaikum

I was wondering. What if Orange ask me specifically why I am so infatuated with her. Would I be able to answer it on the fly? I doubt this poor tongue of mind would be able to. That is why I'm going to list out every single fact that I think about whether Orange crosses my mind. 

 

*It took me a couple of hours to refine the words*

#1: I love the way she treats everyone around her, she'll just relax and joking around while being cynical at the same time.

#2: I love her smile. That's one smile any guy would fall over.

#3: I love the fact that she's chubby(lulz) AND still looks pretty.

#4: I love how she treats all praises from me as a mere joke. She just wouldn't accept it.

#5: I love how she used to IM'd me on FB out of nowhere. I think that's extremely cute.

#6: I love how she tries her best to keep our conversation going despite being blank at that time.

#7: I love the fact that she's a bit older than me, that means she has experience with guys before. I'm pretty sure the way I ac must have looked ridiculous to her *sigh*

#8: I love the fact that she respected her parents so much. Parents are any child's priority.

#9: I love how she can be so easy-going. She claims she doesn't give shit to anything that she doesn't hold any interest in.

#10: Last but not least (for now) is the fact that she was the first women to ever gave me something as a present ( although it was intentional), that alone makes her someone that is worthy for me to love.  

ps: To Orange, if you're reading this, these still 30 things (as of now) that I have in my list. Just watch out, ohohohoho

*Just wait for it Orange! YA~~~~~~HA~~~~*